Okay, let’s talk!

I’ve noticed a trend in these Christian streets, single women and men writing wish lists about what they want in a future spouse. I haven’t created an official list because I’m not completely convinced that a list will help me identify my future husband. In fact, I believe that a wish list has the potential to blind you from seeing a good contender. And at the same time, I do see the good in a list as well.

As usual I am playing on both sides of the fence. So I thought it would be a great idea to bring my thoughts to y’all on lists and also getting your input on this much talked about topic. Cool? Alright, let’s dive in.


So here’s the thing. There’s some pretty solid reasons why a list is a great thing to have. A list will help you better understand what you want in your future husband. When you have the knowledge in knowing what you want in your future husband, you’re able to easily weed out the unfit seeds.

I mean, who wants to waste time on a man that’s not worth their time? Not me!


My worry is that some are so determined to find someone who completes their list that they may miss out on who God has for them. I’ve learned that just because someone looks good on paper doesn’t mean that they’ll be good for you.

My prayer for all my fellow singles is that you don’t give the list the power to dictate who you end up with. (Almost all married couples tell me that who they ended up with is completely different than what they were looking for.) 

I wrote a list early on in my Christian life and as I grew my list evolved. If you aren’t updating your list as you grow, you’ll have an outdated list that doesn’t represent your current desires. And you may find yourself trying to make it work with someone who was compatible with the older version of you.



Bridging The Gap

A list is a great blueprint and can help you to understand your desires clearly. There should be levels in a list because there are levels in desires.

I think everyone should have a list of what their non-negotiables are. Your non-negotiable needs are usually biblically sound and is tailor made to fit you. It’s important to know what are the qualities in a man that you won’t budge on. For example, the unarguable qualities for me are God-fearing, trustworthy (I’ve dated some liars) and ambitious.

The guys I dated before did not meet my list of non-negotiables. If I would’ve had a list on hand, I could have at least gone back to it to for auditing purposes. You need to know what you require in a man so that you don’t just fall any man. Take my word on this y’all. I’ve fallen for a plenty of wrong men because I didn’t know my standards.

The second part of the list includes the negotiable qualities that you want but aren’t completely necessary. This list includes things like physical preference and some personality traits. This is the part of the list that you shouldn’t be married too and doesn’t need to be checked off 100%. Your man could meet only 75% of this list and could PERFECT for you.

The negotiable list should be played around with until you find someone who sticks. Yes, that means DATE because you won’t know until you see what’s out there. Some people are lucky to get their husband on round one while the rest have to date around a few (a bunch of) times until they find someone worthy enough. The main thing with this part of the list is to pick up your head from auditing that checklist and spend time with that person to see if you are truly compatible.

Side note: The Bible doesn’t speak against dating so why are so many Christians against it? As long as you’re honoring God in dating, you’re fine. Dating gets a bad rap because there are many people who here who are dishonoring God in their dating life.

So those are my thoughts on writing a wish list on your future spouse. Let me know, what are your thoughts on a list? Do you have one? If you do, have you found it successful? If you don’t have a written list, why don’t you? Let’s discuss in the comments!


Monique Love

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