Ever wondered what christian men think when it comes to dating, relationships, sex and basically anything in the love category?
We’ll I got you, love! I’m so excited to bring you this new Men With Love (love= Christ) series where men share their insight, perspective and preferences on all things love. Because it’s about time we know, right?!
First up we got Xavier Henry, @sirzave on IG, who’s spilling it all.
WLBL: As a man of God, what are you looking for in a woman?
Zave: A woman of God. It’s as simple as that. What does your love look and feel like? Your forgiveness? Your patience? Your grace? Someone who is going to be the reflection of Christ as much as possible. Looking for a good sense of humor, transparency, understanding, being an adrenaline junkie is a plus also.
WLBL: Biggest turn on?
Zave: I love sneakers soon a woman with a dope kick game and that knows how to dress is very attractive. I love locs and curly/kinky hair as well. #NoHeatGang lol
WLBL: Turn off?
Zave: Complaining, cursing and the super super saved saints.
WLBL: What about non-negotiable’s?
Zave: Just can’t be against God. Not a problem if you’re learning and on your journey. Definitely have to active and growing.
WLBL: What does your ideal first date look like?
Zave: Grab a quick bite to eat then something to where we can walk around and talk. Zoo, carnival, aquarium, museums or an art gallery. Get a pretty decent idea of who you are and how you think.
WLBL: What do you prioritize? Spirituality, appearance, career, etc?
Zave: Spirituality is probably the most important for me because that would be the foundation of everything. Self, relationship and if it leads into marriage. It’s like the core.
WLBL: It seems like there are tons of options for me in the church and men have it easier than us women. What are some of the challenges you’ve faced while dating in the Christian world?
Zave: I’ve had problems finding someone that’s gonna help provide options to grip closer to God when things get hard. A lot of that stems from problems within myself mainly. Dating within the church as an adult is something I haven’t dove too deep into yet. Everything has been so social media driven and you hope they can maintain the image they portray.
WLBL: How can you tell if a woman would make a good wife for you?
Zave: Look at her relationships with her friends, family, coworkers and how they see themselves. How their relationship with God is as well.
WLBL: The Bible talks about a man who finds a wife, finds favor from the Lord. What are your thoughts on women making the first move?
Zave: I don’t have a problem with it. It does just raise a little caution flag. I prefer to make the first move because I know I’m moving or pursuing someone that I know that I want. The woman would know that too. Leaves out the possibility of it being entertained because its someone to entertain.
WLBL: So I can’t speak on all women, but the ones I’ve spoken too. There are a lot of women who feel like they’re still single because they have high expectations in the man they want to end up with. I’m curious, how does it make you feel when women have high relationship standards?
Zave: Doesn’t really make me feel a way. Just gotta be open minded and understand that expectations leave room for disappointment. “Oh I expected him to do ‘xyz’” not knowing where his mind is at. That’s different when you have a set standard because there doesn’t leave room to expect anything.
WLBL: Okay, so modesty is a topic I’m really passionate about. I believe that modesty is more about your heart and intentions than your appearance. What’s your opinion on modesty with women? Do you find it distracting when women dress clothes that the church labels as immodest (i.e. crop tops and body hugging clothes)?
Zave: I don’t have a problem with it as long as you don’t have EVERYTHING hanging out. I’d appreciate a lil leg slit on date nights. Can’t control how women are shaped. It’s not a distraction at all. It’s all how you train your mind.
WLBL: What’s one common misconception about men that women don’t know?
Zave: Even the “manliest ” of men need words of affirmation and cute texts. Show that you care but we’d appreciate you saying it just as much.
WLBL: If you are celibate, what are some daily practices you apply to maintaining it?
Zave: Not celibate but I am doing my best to abstain. Just practicing self-control and being logical about situations.
WLBL: Do you think waiting to have sex before marriage practical?
Zave: Sooo imma say yes and not even for the sake of the saints. It allows you to see if you really love this person or do you love the way this person makes you feel sexually/physically. Is it because the sex is great or because you love this person? Times get hard, is the sex gonna save the relationship or the love? Physical appearance change, sex gonna keep you from cheating or the genuine bond? Don’t get me wrong, I like sex just as much as the next man, if not more, but waiting would prove if we can really get through everything or is the sexual connection holding us together? I’ve been in situations where that’s all it really was. The sex kept us together. It’s intended purpose at the wrong time with the wrong person. Soul ties are super real and a hassle to try to break. Sex will never be JUST sex because you will always feel a way with this person. Good or bad.
WLBL: Thoughts on living together before marriage?
Zave: I can’t say that I’ve had the best experiences with said topic lol. To each it’s own. If you’re following the Holy Spirit and it’s been prayed about and you BOTH got a yes, then go for it. I’m not knocking it and saying you shouldn’t. You do get to see a more real side of the person that you didn’t real expect to see. If y’all been in the relationship for a while and positive you can make it work, go for it.
WLBL: How does social media play a role in dating?
Zave: I know so many people that have found their s/o with the help of social media. It can be a help or a hinder. Goes back to how people can portray themselves and if they can maintain it. Typically get the best parts of them on social media but its important to see the worst parts of them as well.
That’s all ladies! I hope you enjoyed and learned something new.
Let me know your thoughts on what, Zave had to say! Also, be sure to follow him on IG at @sirzave.