Hey ya’ll! Your girl is back! If you follow my IG you know that 3 weeks ago, I celebrated my 5 year spiritual birthday as well as 5 years of celibacy. Your girl has been a new creature for half of a decade! To be honest, I never thought I’d make it to 5 years of celibacy because I thought I’d be married by now, but here I am! Since I made it this long, let’s talk the real on celibacy.
I’m not going to sit here and act like these 5 years have been a walk in the park because it hasn’t been. Well at least the first few years weren’t. I’ve struggled and had some close encounters but every step of the way I have learned something new that has led me to this 5 years later point.
I was 18 years old when I lost my virginity and shortly after, I felt convicted of my actions and ultimately I tried my chance at celibacy several times over the course of 7 years until I got it right. I didn’t have people in my life who were pushing me towards honoring Christ with my body. In fact, I had peers who were dying to hear my juicy stories about how I degraded my body.
I always wished that I had people, other than my parents, being a Godly influence and mentor in my life so that I could have started living for Christ at an earlier age. However, being able to share my story of how I overcame makes everything worth it. Being able to show others that you can beat your biggest giant and turn it into a testimony is a real Romans 8:28 moment. Today I am sharing 4 personal tips that’s helped me to remain pure. I hope you’re blessed by this!
- Give it to God– This right here. Before I got to this point, I unsuccessfully gave a go at celibacy 5 or 6 times. My reason for celibacy then was that I no longer wanted a relationship based off of sex. I wanted the guy to like me for me and not for what I could do. I knew the bible told me to be pure and I may have given that as my reason back then but in all honesty, my celibacy was for me and not for God. I tried to give up sex, which I enjoyed, with my own strength. No wonder why I failed many times before. Once I gave my life to God and received the Holy Spirit, my first conviction was my sex life. I prayed to God and gave Him my worries. Let me tell you, the moment that I gave it to God, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder. God gave me this new strength to say no to something that once gave me validation. This is just a prime example that we can’t do life right by ourselves, we need Christ to carry us through for true success.
- Celibacy isn’t a punishment. There I was sexually active at 18 years old and pregnant by a guy who didn’t really love me. In fact, the day we were at the abortion clinic, I found out that he was cheating on me. After I got the abortion, he ended up in a relationship with the other girl and I found myself being the side chick. I couldn’t let go, I was too attached.God is our dad and He is always looking out for us. When He gives us instruction, it isn’t for punishment it’s for our protection. When you have sex with someone you become one with that person for a moment and form an emotional attachment. Look at 18 year old me, I was pregnant and settled with being a side chick to my ex-boyfriend who knocked me up and cheated on me. I was so emotionally invested in that “relationship” that I couldn’t walk away. I was hurting but the soul connection that you receive once you have sex with someone is so powerful that you end up finding yourself in a position that holds no dignity.
God wants us to avoid all that. He doesn’t want to see us hurt. More importantly, He knows that what He has for us is better than what we get for ourselves. He wants the best for us and nothing less. (quick disclaimer: I had an abortion before I was saved and knew it was the wrong thing to do. I regretted having the abortion the moment I had it but I have repented for it and God has forgiven. I was skeptical to share this part of my story because it’s rarely talked about in the Christian community and I was afraid of judgement. But this is my story and my job is to share my testimony in hopes that people don’t make the same mistakes I have. Or if you have made the same mistakes, you’re not in this alone and we can get through this together.)
- Don’t put yourself in comprising situations. Okay guys. This may be obvious. But come on as obvious as this is, a lot of us have found ourselves in those situations that could/ have jeopardize(d) our celibacy. However if we never went over or had him over we wouldn’t be in this position in the first place. Why not spare yourself the trouble and temptation? Just don’t go over there.3 years into my celibacy I hung out with an ex-boo and although I had mastered the art of the stiff arm and friend zone, being alone with someone I was once intimate with brought back all them old feelings and I fell. Fell so hard that I found myself in the bed getting ready to do something I wasn’t supposed to do. Thank God for creating a diversion. I didn’t fall all the way that day but the fall was hard enough that I knew I had to set up boundaries so I wouldn’t have anymore close encounters.
I can’t tell you what specific boundaries to set up for yourself because we’re all different. Some may feel the conviction to not kiss until marriage because that may be a gateway for them while I know others who have slept in the same room as their boyfriend and nothing ever happened. However if you are newly celibate, I recommend not spending time alone in an intimate setting. I also recommend surrounding yourself with accountability partners who are quick to check you and don’t mind being the third wheel if that is what is needed. The point is, you know yourself and your limits. Don’t cross that line so that you don’t end up doing something you know you’re not supposed to do.
- If you fall, get up. If you slip up and have sex, go right back to honoring God with your body. You don’t have to continue living in that sin because you slipped. I remember when I hooked up with that guy I beat myself up and condemned myself for something God had forgiven me for. I really struggled for what I did and I ended up putting myself in that same situation days later.Look, we’re human. We fall but guess what? We have a Christ who died for us so that we may live past our sins. Because of what Christ did for us we have the chance to continue pursuing righteousness despite what we’ve done. A lot of us beat ourselves up so much for falling that we end up committing that sin again.
I love how the Bible tells us that once we repent our sins, God puts those sins into the sea of forgetfulness. So if Jesus can forgive and forget, why can’t we? We have to let go of what we’ve done because our past doesn’t define us. God doesn’t look at what you’ve done, He sees the beauty He created. So if you slip up and have sex or hook up with someone, don’t allow that moment to change who you are and what you’ve accomplished. Get up sis, keep walking towards Christ. He’s waiting for you with open arms.
I truly pray that this post touches someone in a way that they can get up and walk away from whatever situation they are in. If you know someone who needs to read this, share it with them! If you are struggling in this area or have any other good tips that have helped you purity, let me know in the comments. Also, please feel free to send over an email if you have a prayer request, I’d love to pray with and/or for you! My email is Monique@WithLoveByLove.com