Let’s talk about sex baby!

I LOVE talking about sex… and y’all seem to love it too! I think we’re loving these conversations because sex effects us all – the sexually active, celibate and virgin alike. And though we deal with some capacity of sex (whether it be the act, desires, etc) the church doesn’t dive deep into this very relevant topic.

Today’s post is short and straight to the point, we’re discussing 4 things you need to know about sex that the church doesn’t tell you.

The desires don’t stop after you commit to abstaining from sex until marriage.

*Insert the melody to Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill* It could all be so simple, but the wants, the thoughts, the hots. Committing to a life of celibacy until marriage is a spiritual battle. In the past 6 years, I’ve fought hard against my own sexual desires with the sword of the Spirit. It’s an ongoing fight that never seems to end. I’ve come to the realization that just because you make the honorable decision to hold out until you say “I do” does not take away the desires of sex.

Don’t ignore those thoughts, because suppressing them allows those desires to take root deep into your soul. Be honest about your feelings, share them with God and others. Also, understand that the sexual desires are naturally apart of your makeup. Therefore, it’s important to channel those desires in ways that don’t dishonor God. You can try taking a sexy dance class, listening to music, reading a book, cooking, etc.

It’s possible to have impure married sex.

I know that the bible teaches that married sex is not defiled and that is very true. But there are certain circumstances that can take the purity out of martial sex. Those things include but are not limited to manipulated, forced, idolized and lust-driven sex.

For instance, a very popular pastor recently shared in a sermon that men crave sex more than women. And it’s a wife’s responsibility to engage in sex with her husband when he wants it to prevent him from doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

I literally cringed as I watched this sermon while the co-ed audience ate it up. This leader is taking the good nature of sex and turning into something God didn’t intend it to be. Manipulated sex is not in God’s design for sex. Yes, marriage is a give and take partnership where we’re called to please one another in all areas of the relationship. However, it is not called to be used as a scare tactic to get your way.

Instead of using manipulated schemes to get what you want from your spouse, take the time to communicate your desires and understand theirs. If that doesn’t work you can try enlisting a counselor/ therapist to help you work out your problems.

It’s okay to be in tune with the sexual parts of your body.

I have a friend who’s still a virgin and has completely ignored her body (vagina) because the lack of communication on sex has made her feel like her body is the enemy. I thought this was odd because I’ve always been a lover of my body. However, the more I talk about sex on here, the more women have shared similar sentiments of my friend. Ladies, our bodies are a work of art. It’s God’s creation and very beautiful. Don’t be afraid to feel sexy in your skin, because there’s nothing wrong with it.

Check out my article on “Maintaining Optimal Vaginal Health While Being Celibate”

Sex is a good thing.

Not only is sex a good thing, it’s a God thing. Sex is God’s design created for procreation and pleasure. Having sex in marriage between a husband and wife is beautiful.

Now, if you’re having sex outside of the constricts of His design, then that’s when things go astray becoming a burden and a heartache. Don’t allow the mistreatment of sex to take away from the goodness of it’s purpose.

What are some other facts about sex that the church doesn’t tell us? Let me know if the comments. And as always feel free to email me for prayer requests or just to chat, monique@withlovebylove.com!

I love you like crazy and Christ loves you WAY more!!

With Love,

Monique Love

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